Rejected Big Shots: Week 8!

Justin here! Now that Big Shots are back in the magazine, I’m going to be posting a new “new” Big Shot photo every week(ish) and running down some of the rejected (but still funny) captions our writers cooked up for them. This week we’ve got the first Big Shot from issue #136, on sale now in comic shops AND on newsstands! And it’s a special spooky one for Halloween!

STAY PUFT: So, yeah…basically it’s I eat the world or that cookie.
HURLEY: I’m thinking!

STAY PUFT: Oh yeah? How do you think I like being called “Hurley” all the time?
HURLEY: Man, Jabba the Hutt and Grape Ape told me the exact same thing.

STAY PUFT: Don’t worry, Hugo–I’m all in your head.
HURLEY: Like that time when Bendis was following me around?

STAY PUFT: Seriously, why didn’t you lose any weight on that island?
HURLEY: Char broiled monkeys. Oh and Nikki and Paulo.

Big Shots: Week 16

Welcome to our fifteenth installment of classic Big Shots from ToyFare Magazine’s past. Got a particular fondly remembered Big Shot you’d like to see here? Let us know on the Wizard Universe Message Board. Also, take note that some of the fonts were lost in the translation from the older issues, so they don’t look exactly like they did in the mag, but they’re still hilarious if we do say so ourselves.

Big Shots: Week 15

Welcome to our fifteenth installment of classic Big Shots from ToyFare Magazine’s past. Got a particular fondly remembered Big Shot you’d like to see here? Let us know on the Wizard Universe Message Board. Also, take note that some of the fonts were lost in the translation from the older issues, so they don’t look exactly like they did in the mag, but they’re still hilarious if we do say so ourselves.

Rejected Big Shots: Week 7!

Justin here! Now that Big Shots are back in the magazine, I’m going to be posting a new “new” Big Shot photo every week and running down some of the rejected (but still funny) captions our writers cooked up for them. This week we’ve got another Big Shot from the very second issue featuring our new Big Shots, issue # 135, on sale now in comic shops AND on newsstands!

NECRO COP: Disco ain’t dead!
SHRIEK: Well, technically…

NECRO COP: So, what’s it like to be dead, sweet thing?
SHRIEK: Wait a sec and my foot will ask your crotch.

SHRIEK: Nope, she’s still not looking.
NECRO COP: She (pant)…better! My joint is jumping as hard as it can!

NECRO COP: (music notes) Stayin’ aliiiiiiiive! (music notes)
SHRIEK: Honey, this club has been closed for thirty years. The music’s all in your head.
NECRO COP #2: SO WHAT IF IT IS!

Big Shots: Week 13

Welcome to our thirteenth installment of classic Big Shots from ToyFare Magazine’s past. Got a particular fondly remembered Big Shot you’d like to see here? Let us know on the Wizard Universe Message Board. Also, take note that some of the fonts were lost in the translation from the older issues, so they don’t look exactly like they did in the mag, but they’re still hilarious if we do say so ourselves.

Rejected Big Shots: Week 6!

Justin here! Now that Big Shots are back in the magazine, I’m going to be posting a new “new” Big Shot photo every week and running down some of the rejected (but still funny) captions our writers cooked up for them. This week we’ve got another Big Shot from the very second issue featuring our new Big Shots, issue # 135, on sale now in comic shops! (You’ll notice that when we sent this out to our writers we hadn’t figured out the name of the Power Rangers monster yet, and were referring to it as “Chicken Thing.”

CHICKEN THING: Hey man, which one of us was the flagship character of a major comics franchise in the ’90s?
WOVLERINE: RRRRRRAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
CHICKEN THING: …Okay, I’ll give you three guesses.

CHICKEN THING: Keep on CLUCKIN, MotherCLUCKERS! Haw, haw, haw, BA-KAW!
WOLVERINE: Pun monster! Everybody shag ass!

CHICKEN THING: Behold…the KFC Famous Bowl, come to life!
WOLVERINE: Aieee! I’ll never play God again!

Chicken Thing: So…you’ll call me, right?
Wolverine #1: Sure!
Wolverine Thought: When will I learn the dangers of Jagermeister?

Big Shots: Week 12

Welcome to our twelfth installment of classic Big Shots from ToyFare Magazine’s past. Got a particular fondly remembered Big Shot you’d like to see here? Let us know on the Wizard Universe Message Board.

Big Shots: Week 11

Welcome to our eleventh installment of classic Big Shots from ToyFare Magazine’s past. Got a particular fondly remembered Big Shot you’d like to see here? Let us know on the Wizard Universe Message Board.

Rejected Big Shots: Week 4!

Justin here! Now that Big Shots are back in the magazine, I’m going to be posting a new “new” Big Shot photo every week and running down some of the rejected (but still funny) captions our writers cooked up for them. Come back next week, when we’ll post the first rejected Big Shot from our new issue, #135! Here’s this week’s, which our sharp-eyed readers at the Wizard Universe Message Board noticed actually features rare, unreleased Iron Man prototype figures that we happen to have laying around our toy library. To which I say, sorry for teasing you, Iron Man fans, but they’re funny colors!:

RADIATION SUIT IRON MAN: To the mall.
MOVIE IRON MAN: NOT DRESSED LIKE THAT, YOU’RE NOT!
MAGNETIC SUIT IRON MAN: But Da-aaad!

RADIATION SUIT IRON MAN: Hey Dad, where did we come from?
MAGNETIC SUIT IRON MAN: Yeah! Where?
MOVIE IRON MAN: Kids, sometimes when a man and a suit of armor love each other very much…
Robotic voice from suit: WHO’S READY FOR A BACK RUB?!?

MOVIE IRON MAN: And that’s how I met your mother.
RADIATION SUIT IRON MAN: Sh…she was a kegerator?
MAGNETIC SUIT IRON MAN: It all makes sense…

MOVIE IRON MAN: Y’know, fellasssh, what sheemed like a great idea when I called the essshhcort shervish is now jussht kinda creepin’ me out.
MAGNETIC SUIT IRON MAN: Look, a deal’s a deal. Now are you gonna open your intake valves yourself or do you want us to do it for you?

Big Shots: Week 10

Welcome to our tenth installment of classic Big Shots from ToyFare Magazine’s past. Got a particular fondly remembered Big Shot you’d like to see here? Let us know on the Wizard Universe Message Board.